Last week when I left work at 8pm, it was dark outside. It was also 20 degrees out, but it was still DARK AS FUCK and you know what that means – it’s fucking fall. Summer is dead. It’s over. There’s no going back. Pack up all your sundresses and shorts, bring on the boots and hats and jackets and mittens cause soon it’s gonna be -40 degrees every goddamn day and summer will be a very distant memory.
I had a great summer. I met new people and I tried new things and I only got kicked out of two different public parks after 11pm. I sang songs on a beach with the people I love the most and then I got to spend a week sailing around two of the most beautiful provinces known to man. I went pool hopping in Hudson and I spent a lot of time and money dancing and drinking with beautiful-souled girls I get to call my friends. A summer well-lived, most would say. This fall I’m not going back to school because I have graduated – I know, what the fuck? – so I have nothing to look forward to but work, work and more work. I thought that maybe I would have had some huge existential crisis in the past couple of weeks but so far it basically just feels like I spend less of my life complaining about studying and more of my life complaining about work.
I really like fall because it feels like while everything around us is dying, all of us are kind of starting over again. We’re getting back into the zone and getting more serious after a summer of debauchery. It’s weird but every fall I start thinking about maybe looking for a more serious, romantic relationship.
Fall just has so many cute couple activities, like apple picking and pumpkin carving and, like, raking leaves and jumping into a huge pile of them. If I had a boyfriend I probably wouldn’t do any of those things but it’s nice to know that the possibility is there. I think I like the idea of a relationship because I like firsts.
Here are a list of my favourite firsts
1. The first time you hang out one-on-one
I hate the idea of first dates, everyone who has ever even breathed in my direction knows that. But once I’m actually present in the moment, I love it. Especially if it just flows and you don’t need to think about what to say or how to act or whether or not you could potentially escape if he tried to kidnap you. Your body language is similar, you’re laughing at his stupid jokes, he’s interested in all of your stories – even that one about how you thought you could convince your mom you had broken your arm when you were five by wrapping it in toilet paper like some kind of ghetto cast in order to get out of going to kindergarten – and you eventually just want to do one thing and one thing only …
2. The first kiss
First kisses are terrifying but so great seriously you will never have a better kiss with someone than the first kiss. It’s all downhill from there. Well, not really, but it definitely feels that way while it’s happening. Even a bad first kiss is a good first kiss. If that makes sense. From the moment you see each other you’re kinda like okay when is this going down, like should I wait until the end or should I get on that ASAP? Is he gonna go for it or should I go for it? How am I gonna know when it’s happening? What if I pass out? What if I’m such a good kisser he proposes to me on the spot? Should I say yes? I guess we could have a December wedding … ha jk (kinda.)
3. The first time you have sex
So much pent-up energy. So much awkward fumbling. So many giggles. But for real, the first time having sex with someone you have actual feelings for is kind of romantic – regardless of whether it happens in the back of a car or in a California king bed, regardless of whether you’re pushed up against the wall or if they’re looking deep into your heart and soul. You all know what I’m talking about, and it’s fucking amazing. The best. A+. Mind-blowing, even … scuse me I need to go take a cold shower.
4. The first time you have a big fight
Christine, why are you calling a fight a good thing? Are you insane? Do you even know what you’re talking about? I don’t trust your blog anymore! Yo, hold up. The first fight is fucking crucial. You need to have complimentary fighting styles. When I’m angry, I need someone who’s going to bust their way into my life and be like “What the fuck is up, you crazy bitch?” because I’m sitting in my room listening to old-school Eminem in a beat-up hoodie debating whether or not I should give up, run away and join an all-female, underground rap group. Everyone needs something different, but chances are you’ll be able to learn and mold and adapt to each other. Fights also give you the a-okay to eat full cartons of Ben and Jerry’s Half-baked because calories don’t count during fights (little known fact). Also, “the first time you have make-up sex” gets a complimentary nod here.
5. The first time you meet their friends
I’ve always gotten along really well with friends of guys I’ve dated. It’s very easy to get a group of dudes to accept you. The first thing you need to do is not be crazy, as much as you really really really want to. Let him hang out with his friends and don’t text him the whole goddamn time, simple. Second, you just need to bring them something. A bag of carrots? Some crackers? Turns out, trying to win over a group of dudes is just like trying to win over a herd of bunnies. Also, having them meet your friends is also pretty bomb. Chances are they co-wrote every text, Facebook message or Snapchat you’ve sent this person in the past three months; letting them hang out with him is the least you could do to acknowledge all of their hard work.
6. The first time you call them your boyfriend/girlfriend
Exclusivity is a very weird thing. When do we bring it up? When do we demand it? Should we be upfront about what we want from day 1? Should we just see where it goes? What am I down for? What is he down for? Should I just eat a Snickers and calm the fuck down? Probably. It takes a lot to decide that you want to be exclusive. In a society that seems to have collective ADHD when it comes to focusing on one person, it feels pretty fucking good to have someone say they wanna be with you and only you.
7. The first time you say I love you
Just thinking about this is giving me heart palpitations. I don’t wanna get sappy because that’s not really an emotion I do unless there are sloths involved. Or puppies. Or baby sloths. Sloths or puppies. But saying I love you to another human being feels pretty fucking chill.