So today someone at work started asking staff members what they think the dating age-range would be for someone who is 50 years old. Naturally my first response was that age is just a number and that love knows no bounds. Then slowly people started talking about it more and more and I started thinking about it more and more. Maybe I wouldn’t date a guy in his 50s. I mean, what would we talk about? I watch a lot of Charlie Rose. And I do think that airplane food is gross. And I kind of hate children playing on my lawn. Those are the main conversation topics of people in their 50s, right? But on the other hand, I wouldn’t mind having a sugar daddy.
I’m not saying that every guy you date who is 15+ years older than you is automatically a sugar daddy, you can date a poor 50 year old too (lol I wouldn’t). But when you think about a 50 year old man, you assume he has his life together, makes a ton of money and is looking for someone to share it with. Sharing wealth sounds like a really good life plan.
I’ve always told my mom that if my dreams of being a writer fail, my second dream job would be Trophy Wife. And she always tells me the same thing: “It’s good to have goals, kiddo.”
Here are some reasons why you should think about dating older men:
1) They have a job
I swear to God if one more guy suggests a date night on a Tuesday because it’s Cheap Movie Night I will lose my shit. I will intentionally, literally lose my shit, like leaving-your-pet-turtle-in-the-forest-because-you-suddenly-realize-that-this-turtle-will-probably-outlive-you-and-you-just-can’t-commit-to-that-kind-of-long-term-arrangement kind of intentionally-literally-lose-my-shit. A quick message to all the men in their early-to-mid twenties out there: get a fucking job. At this point, work at McDonald’s for all I care – I could always use a free Big Mac … or two.
Though, older men have big-boy jobs. Jobs that enable them to be home at night, off on weekends, have access to legitimate vacation time and steady pay. A man with a job is a man with goals, ambition and perseverance – things that you should want and demand in a man.
2) They have their own place
The only downside to being a struggling, starving student working part-time in a customer service job is that I don’t make the kind of money that both supports my shopaholic tendencies and allows me to live on my own. This makes late-night/early-morning booty calls a no-go. Guess it’s backseats and picnic tables at the marina for the next couple years!
But wait. Older men have homes, real homes. Not rooms off the garage that are “soundproof except sometimes my mom wakes up and checks on me in the middle of the night.” No thanks.
Having access to a bed – or some kind of mattress-like object – at the end of a really spectacular date is like finding $20 in your winter coat when you take it out at the beginning of the season. The opportunity has been there all along but it’s only surprised you now.
3) Steady paychecks, babe
I’m not saying I need to marry rich. I’m saying I would like to marry rich. And even if I don’t, having someone with a steady income and who will support you if need be is always a plus.
I want to not have to “save up” in order to go see the sloth exhibit at the Biodome, or pay for my drinks on Ladies Night. I want to go on vacations in Vermont in the fall and wear cozy sweater and riding boots I got at Michael Kors and stay at a log cabin and make a fire and drink spiked hot chocolate. Or go to an all-inclusive in Cuba and have Cuban men mistake my boyfriend for my father.
Being financially dependent on a man is sometimes seen as a big no-no but your know what, girls? I say own it. All these other broke bitches like me are just jealous we have to buy our leather pants and platform heels at Ardene’s while you spend your man’s money on Fifth Avenue.
4) Save the drama for yo mama
For older men, gone are the days of playing games and “not communicating enough”. Most older men are straight-up in their intentions and will tell you exactly what they want out of your relationship. And the best part is, he won’t take it badly when you express your intentions either.
Whether you want to be mutually exclusive or just casual FWB, I’m sure your sugar daddy will take his job a lot more seriously than whatever other jabroni you’ve been talking to/dating/sleeping with.
5) You can definitely get him to do anything you want him to do
I’m not saying manipulate him … okay, that’s definitely what I’m saying. Most sugar daddies just want to keep their little princesses happy. Betsey Johnson and gel nails make me very, very happy. Imagine having someone by your side who will indulge your every desire. Ben & Jerry’s for breakfast? Done. Jimmy Choos for that party you want to go to on Friday night? Done. Dinner at that crazy expensive restaurant you can never get reservations at because of that one time you went in and ordered one $20 martini and you yelled at the bartender because that’s ridiculous and then you didn’t pay for it and they asked you not to come back again? Done!
6) They know how to work their downstairs bidniz
This isn’t their first rodeo. There’s no fumbling for condoms, no awkward postion-switches, no anxiety over the dreaded “what do you want me to do to you?” question. He knows what women want because – well – he’s been around for a bit now; he’s learned the tricks of the trade! No worries here about having to explain to him how/why we put condoms on or that just because you are finished does not mean that I am finished. Just insanely satisfying, perfectly executed sex.
Of course, all of this needs to come with a disclaimer: I would be more than happy to see this happen with the roles reversed (girl power!) and I hope that all of you lovely women reading this grow up without having to rely on a man and I hope you all become doctors and live perfect lives.
Now go out and find a sugar daddy.